Vow Writing Made Easy

Writing your own marriage vows doesn’t have to be hard.

I’ve put together my top tips for expressing your love in a way that works for you.

Say goodbye to those daunting feelings and any pressure about writing the perfect wedding vows.

Tip #1. keep it real

Write straight from your own heart. Be meaningful and genuine. Use your own words. It’s all about authenticity. If the words don’t fit you as a couple, your partner and your guests will know it.

It’s more important to be meaningful than funny. But if there is something you want to say that is naturally funny and authentic to your relationship, then go for it.

Most importantly, avoid Google, Chat GPT and all the clichés that come with searching online. It’s way more important to be true to your own voice.

Tip #2. MAKING A START

Make sure you’re feeling relaxed, and in a good headspace so you can really tap into your feelings. If you’ve had a stressful day, then take some time out to clear your mind - it might be a walk, swim, surf – whatever it takes to clear your mind and tap into your emotions.

Start by jotting down all the thoughts that come to mind about your partner and your relationship. This will alleviate the pressure to nail the wording with the first draft. Once you have some initial points down, come back to it a few days later and you’ll have better clarity.

You don’t have to finish in one go, it’s a work in progress! I suggest a maximum of three drafts as continually editing can lead to over-analysing every single line.

Tip #3. Get on the Same Page

It can work really nicely to be somewhat in sync, in terms of both length and tone. If your vows are going to be a surprise for each other, then have a chat about ideas you both like. You might like to agree on a few things you’d both like to capture. It could be things like: the moment you fell in love, what has brought you to this moment, what you’re looking forward to in the future and what you love about your partner.

Tip #4. LENGTH

It’s so easy to write, write and write some more. Writing from the heart is important but it’s easy to get carried away. Once you’ve spilled everything out on the page, it’s a good idea to edit them down – say what you want to say, no more, no less.

Length-wise, 200-300 words seems to be the sweet spot (as a guide, 300 words will take approximately 3 minutes to say) So, mark up the best bits - what makes you FEEL the most.

Whilst short n’ sweet can work for some couples, don’t feel that you need to make them super short just because you want the ceremony to be short - the vows really are the highlight of the whole ceremony.

Tip #5. TIMING

I suggest getting your vows finished at least THREE weeks out from your wedding. It’s a nice feeling to know they are finished so you can enjoy the final weeks with as short a ‘to-do’ list as possible. If you’re one of my couples, send me your initial draft and I can be a sounding board, giving you guidance & feedback and any editing help you desire.

To make any final changes, I suggest reading your vows aloud to see how they flow and where it is natural to pause.

I have beautiful vow cards you can use, which I’ll give to you at our pre-ceremony meeting.

Now, let’s get into the actual vow writing….

Deciding how to structure your vows will help you get going. Below are some suggested ideas for what you MAY wish to include.

Decide which elements work for you and remember that a VOW is a PROMISE so include what you would like to promise your partner as you embark on this next chapter together.

• Talk about the moment you fell in love 

• Describe what you love about your partner 

• Explain why you want to marry your partner 

• Share some PROMISES you’d like to make 

• Share a favourite memory  

• What are some of the things your partner does that you appreciate?

• Declare your dreams for a shared future 

here are a few openers to help you make a start…

Name, you are my….

I can’t believe we’re finally standing here

I remember when we first met

I realised I loved you when…

In the middle

I knew I wanted to marry you when…

I want to spend the rest of my life….

You have been my…

I love you because…

You inspire me….

Because of you….

You have taught me….

Together, we’ll spend our lives….

PROMISe starters

I vow to….

I promise to always encourage...

I will always….

I promise that we’ll…

When life is hard I will…..

I promise to give you…

I promise to laugh at…..

I promise to be….

A few closers

Thank you for…

With you by my side….

I can’t wait to….

WANT TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT?

If you are one of my couples and would like to get really creative, make sure you refer to your Couple Planning Portal. Included in the VOW section are some modern ideas like exchanging Ninja (secret) vows or writing a letter to your younger self.